"My Husband Looking at Pornography? No WAY!"

My heart was sad and burdened for a friend of mine as she sat across me over a freshly brewed cup of coffee. We started talking about struggles men have and out of the blue she spilled out...

"My husband used to have a problem with porn, he stopped for a while, but I think he's back into it, Dana. I should look and see, but I'm not sure I want to know the truth."

"NOT WANT TO KNOW?" I shouted in my head. For the sake of our kids around and not being the time for that conversation, I just encouraged her to see. Knowing is the first step in helping. She assured me she would check.

DENIAL "my husband, no way"
FEAR OF THE TRUTH
DENIAL "he's a godly man"
FEAR OF MY REACTION
DENIAL "I would know if he was into it"
FEAR OF WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT IF IT IS TRUE
DENIAL "If I don't find out, it will go away"

Pornography is no stranger to the church anymore. Sad, but true.

It is not something to be taken lightly either. If we love our husbands and are to be the helper God gave them, we need to know what secret sin may be there. We need to love our husbands enough to to broach the subject with them in a respectful way. Just ignoring that your husband may be viewing things that are an abomination to God, things that are not real, and flat out sin is not what I believe we are called to do.

Did you know that viewing pornography is much like taking a drug. There is a chemical reaction in the body and men begin to crave it more and more. Listen up here, they also crave more intense sexual things. If unchecked it leads to men finding the real thing. Adultery is on the path of pornography.

I don't write this because it is what I think. I know this to be true based out of my own life and missing things that my husband was doing. I had no idea of the ramifications that porn can have. He had no idea either til it was too late. (Side note: I loved my husband out of the addiction/adultery, I did not get angry, I chose love).

Some men enjoy it (porn). But there are those men who really do want out. They feel like slaves to the secret and slaves to the sin. Jesus is not in control, but in their hearts they know it is ruining them and their marriage and they wish the addiction would go away. They need the love and prayers and support of someone to pull them from the pit.

My friend was scared to know the truth. I hope she will face the truth. Sometimes it is not pretty, but necessary to accept before we can move on with getting help from the Lord. We should always welcome and accept the TRUTH. Truth sets us free, knowing and living in the truth is the only way to live.

If you read this and want to help your husband, please click on the link to email me. Another tool is to get a filter on your internet. You can even get one that is on the computer, not blocking thing, but you get a report each week of what searches and sites are visited. Covenant Eyes (check my sidebar for their site) is what I recommend for the accountability and/blocking and bsafe online is also recommended for the blocking of sites that are not good too.

Don't deny the truth, love your family, kids, Lord, your marriage and husband enough to make sure your husband is not a slave to pornography (online or any other form). It is never too late to help. Never.

God Bless and stay pure.

Putting Life Back in Order

1 Corinthians 14:33 " for God is not a God of confusion but of peace..."

Corinth was one of the most wicked cities and pleasure was worshiped above all. Sound like anywhere you know today? (Paul was writing to the church in Corinth, specifically about the use of gifts, however my focus is not on the gifts, but rather what the passage says about the character of God.)

God is not a God of confusion, but a God of peace. The Greek word for confusion here means: disorder, commotion, inconstant. Sometimes a picture of my own life. Maybe I have bought into the worship of pleasure and it is bringing disorder and confusion in areas of my life?

A few months ago God began gently nudging me about the disorder in my life. He wanted me to take an honest look at my life and see any disorder (disobedience). Disorder seems to creep in slowly but surely and then you feel like you are in a hurricane and have no where to hide. Disorder can come in all shapes and sizes too. Sometimes it is even internal, where our thoughts are just not RIGHT thoughts; or as simple as one activity on our schedule is adding stress and complication to the rest of our lives.

Truthfully, where there is disorder in my life and yours, God is not Lord there. Disorder is to me a direct result of disobedience. I am not talking about trials of various kinds, because when God brings these, there is order about them. His purpose is done through them. I am referring to the mess we create when our flesh runs our life and lies are at the heart of our decisions, not God and His truth.

Examples:
1. My basement. I run on my treadmill in the basement. A mini-sanctuary that I do a lot of thinking about things God wants different in my life, what the rest of my day will include, my eating habits, homeschooling, how I spend money, people I need to talk to, etc. Then I looked around my treadmill at the heaps of junk everywhere. Can God be pleased? Can I have hidden disorder and fool myself that my life is in order?
2. I try to go to a ladies bible study group that is close to my home. It takes up my whole morning. When I am there, I am not doing my first commitment which is homeschooling my kids. I was convincing myself that I needed to go to the bible study when in reality God was telling me ever so softly that I needed to give that up and focus on my children. I gave it up. I am not even going to try to be a part now and then. I feel so much better having gotten that part of my schedule in order now.


How can I function Christ-like when my own surroundings are so unkept? Why do I save all the things I save in the basement? What really is taking up my time? Is my life in order?

God did begin to speak to me about putting my house in order. Mostly for me that means getting rid of stuff, even the good stuff that makes my life more of a confusion than it should be, just sucking up my time that should be spent on eternal things. Our lives can have order...when God is Lord.

If God is not a God of confusion, then my life should not be one of confusion either.
I challenge you to take time looking at these areas of your life and make sure they line up with God's Truth and that your thoughts about them are taken captive and made obedient. (2 Cor 10:5) Ask yourself, honestly, if there is disorder in any way.

1. Money & Finances

2. House & Home (physically and spiritually)

3. Use of Time

4. Thoughts & Speech

5. Relationships

These 5 areas cover most everything in life. Remember, people watch us and when our lives as Christians are a big confusion, we misrepresent God.