"I Want My Husband to Be the Spiritual Leader"

...that is a statement I've heard one too many times. I wish I could say I have the secret formula to make your husband the spiritual man of your dreams, but I don't. But I can offer some hope, encouragement and tips from the Bible.

A few weeks ago my husband had breakfast with another leader in our church. He was grateful that the man, old enough to be his dad, admitted to struggling with his walk with God. As the two of them kept discussing the issue of wives and women in general as they relate to God...they concluded that men are much weaker in this area. They weren't saying that every man struggles, but it seems that a vast majority do fail to have a consistent relationship with God.

If you see your husband not "measuring up", know that you are not alone, you don't measure up either and neither do I. Many men come to church trying to fool the best of us, but deep inside they know they aren't in relationship with God like they need to be. I know you are not alone because I know too many women who long for a dynamic Christian husband, one who stands by his convictions, or one that has convictions in the first place. They want a husband who will stand for what is right, care about truth, teach his children the ways of God, and so on. What they really want is to know that their husbands relationship with God is alive and well, because the fruit of that will be those things I just listed.

I have been fortunate to see ups & downs in my own husband. I can usually tell if he is growing towards the Lord or away from Him by the things that are coming out of his mouth. Listen to the things your husband is saying, decisions he is making, God may be doing more than you think. Just by his conversation it could clue you into ways you can pray for your husband. You are praying diligently for him, right?

One great tip from the Bible is this: Keep your mouth shut. Your nagging and whining will never help him be the man of God you desire. Pointing out what he is not doing right will never produce the results you are looking for, trust me, I've tried. Don't go out and buy a devotion book for the two of you to do together thinking this is going to be great! It may be great, but 9 times out of 10, he won't respond like your hoping. It won't drive him to his knees for powerful prayer times, it may drive him to God to complain about his authoritative wife though. If you want him to be the leader, stop leading. Focus on yourself, doing what God has said and worry about your own relationship with Jesus. It will free your husband up to become the leader. If he sees you leading, he won't have room to lead.

God requires this from you: "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior" I Peter 3:1-2. When people, husband or others, see the impact your relationship with Christ is having on you, they will want to know Him too.

Be in constant prayer that God would work in his heart, but step back and let God do that. It may take years for your husband to have a passionate walk with God, but your main objective should be to 1. Remain patient 2. Remain cheerful 3. Remain consistent yourself.

Beth Moore said it right in her Esther study, when we wait on a person or thing, we lose strength, but when we wait on God, He will renew our strength. She was so right about that. When we keep trying to manipulate our husbands into a relationship with God, we are only draining ourselves of strength. When we step back and change our focus and really wait on God to do His work in our man's life, we will have strength to live each day joyfully. Isaiah 40:28 & 31 says that the Lord does not grow weary or tired...and those who wait on the Lord will gain new strength. Let the ONE who has unending strength hold you up as you rest in His hands.

One final word, encourage your husband. Find ways to show your appreciation, pray from him fervently, and above all, live a life of genuine love and obedience in front of your husband. God bless.

Why Some Young Girls Dress Immodest

In my middle school small group last night, the girls were asked the question, "What controls you and why?"

The first answer we got was not what I was expecting or at least the explanation she offered the group.

"Boys," was the quick and short answer. When we dug into the "why" we heard this, "Because they make you wear inappropriate clothing or they won't like you."

My jaw dropped and the other teacher in our group quickly chimed in with, "Wait, they make you?"

I felt bad that we sort of attacked her thinking, but we were so shocked at how she viewed boys and the fact that she believed all boys want to see you immodestly dressed or they won't like you.

Do boys really have this power over girls? Obviously if this young 7th grader thought she had to dress in opposition to God's way, or be rejected by the male population, others think the same.

The desire is so great to be liked by a guy that they do indeed hold this sort of power, but my belief is that it is time to say "No way!" We need to really teach that God is the one we are to please and He wants us reserved for our husband only. Are we as mothers letting our girls believe this lie that boys won't like modest girls and let them dress "inappropriate" as this girl put it? The ironic thing is that she knew it was wrong to dress in a way that revealed her body for the world to see.

Maybe enough young men are not desiring a modest girl for their future. Part of this falls squarely on the shoulders of parents (like myself) that don't talk to our kids about these heart issues. I wish the young boys in middle school would start vocalizing that they want to keep their eyes pure and tell the girls that they are more respected for dressing modest. Parents, if you are reading this, let's start teaching this in our homes. It is not the church's job to set our kids straight, it is our job.

Parents, let's teach boys to not give attention to immodest girls, as hard as that may be. Don't let them train the young girls that they will only get attention and affirmation of any kind by dressing like that. I know that I will address this more boldly with my 13 year old son and teach my daughter, who is 1 yr. away from 7th grade, to know that the kind of guy she wants some day will be the one who thanks her for dressing in a godly way, even when young.

Somehow I want girls to change their focus from boys to Jesus...they have too many years til they can even get married to be in bondage to this wrong thinking.

Are Vacations in the Bible?

My class at church has been talking about vacations for the last 2 weeks and it has been a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h (in my opinion) coming up with anything that we do as Americans that is comparable to Scripture. Sure they mentioned all the Holy Days and many festivals in the Bible, but the focus was always pointed to the Lord, the end destination was celebrating or worshiping the King of Kings. That does not even come close to my definition of VACATION or describe our culture, thus implying that we need some serious reconstruction on our idea of what vacations should and should not be. Or does it?

I would hardly compare the Holy Days and Festivals/Feasts to our idea of vacation. They are 2 totally different things. American vacations in large are about entertaining ourselves and spending money we don't have to wear ourselves out. Aren't we doing that everyday of the year?

So I have been thinking that this summer is an awesome time to refocus on the Lord, take some Holy Days and celebrate the Lord personally and with our families, truly.
How about take a day and turn off the TV, computer, phones, and just play praise music through the house and worship God ALL DAY. Wow, that would really make God feel loved. How about make a special meal with your family in honor of God and remember all the things that He has done over the year or years, sharing them out loud with each other.

God set the Feasts and Festivals in memory of the things He had done for His people. What a great idea, Lord!

If you take a vacation this summer, great, don't forget to bring the Lord along. Make it a time focused on thanking Him, praising Him, and giving Him honor - whether at the beach or in a cabin in the woods. Make Him the focus of your time away and see what it does to renew your heart and mind. Maybe vacations will have a new purpose for you in the years to come.